When I was a kid, I was teased. My forehead is bigger than what is considered normal. (so they told me) There was this one boy who would run up to me, touch my forehead, and run off yelling, "I touched it! I touched it!" It bothered me, but probably not as much as it would some. The guy who did that was not the brightest crayon in the box and he had plenty of things to be made fun of for. I didn't stoop to his level and jab back at him. I just felt sorry for him. I don't even remember his name.
That was Jr High and as much as I wish it wasn't true, kids can be mean. I had one girl tell me that I would NEVER have a boyfriend and if a guy ever showed interest in me, then go for it because it would probably be my only chance. Isn't that horrible? It made me feel horrible until I realized that the guy she was into liked me instead.
I was lucky to be a logical kid. Even so, the teasing hurt. I know some people who were consumed by it. There was one girl who caused our entire group of girls to end up in a meeting with the counselor because she was saying bad things about everyone. She wanted friends, but she ended up with a bunch of enemies.
Today bullying is a big issue. I think everyone can come up with stories of being treated badly by those around them. People are trying to bring awareness and provide help to the victims, but we still read in the news about kids who have killed themselves because of how they are treated. Kids who are different are tormented.
Micah is different.
Micah has some major stimming behaviors. The other day I was worried he was having a seizure because he was so "deep" into a stimming behavior that I couldn't get him to snap out of it. (it wasn't a seizure) He is also very smart and loves learning. He is going to be into books and math. He adores science and computers. He is going to be a nerd and until he masters the stimming, he is going to stand out more than he normally would.
This is why I am not afraid to tell people that Micah is Autistic. Not because I want to explain away his behaviors, but because I want to help bring awareness. When I see someone at the store give Micah a confused look because he is stimming, I tell them that Micah is Autistic. I am very open about this and usually get asked a lot of questions. I explain that Micah is very smart and tell them about the things he can do, but also explain what stimming is and why he does it.
This one lady at Walmart asked if Micah would be allowed to go to school. My first thought was a small flash of anger, but it was quickly followed by thankfulness. I talked to her for about 30 minutes. She had a very archaic view of Special Education and I was able to give her some information. I ended the conversation when she started hinting to me to fix her computer. ;)
If I treat Autism like a secret or something to be ashamed of, Micah will see that and follow my example. If I try to force him to stop stimming all the time and treat the behavior as something he is doing wrong, others will treat him the same way. Micah is different and unless I can celebrate those differences he will not understand how special he is. His biggest defense against those who would bring him down is confidence in the knowledge that he is special.
I can't be with him where ever he goes. I can't protect him from everything. He will be teased and made fun of. I am doing everything I can to help him get in control of the stimming and learning how to compensate, but I don't know how much it will help. Honestly, I don't know if he will ever totally stop. I can't know that for sure. I have hope and work towards that goal, but I have to be honest with myself and know that I can only do my best. It is my duty to prepare him for the world.
My biggest fear is not that Micah will be made fun of. He will. My biggest fear is that he will take what others say about him to heart and that he will let it change him.
That is why part of my job with Micah is to work to make sure that he knows who he is. That he understands his strengths and his weaknesses. I want Micah to look in a mirror and like what he sees and know that his parents are so proud of him. We are raising Micah to understand that he can come talk to us. If we tell him to go to bed and he says, "No. Later Mommy." I say, "Okay baby. You have 5 minutes." I want to know we listen to him and take him seriously.
The most important thing I can teach him is to love himself. We all have things we need to work on, but this must always be done from a place of love. If we can't love ourselves, how can we love those around us. If we don't love those around us, how can we have a positive impact on this world.
I was in 6th grade. These two girls started making fun of me. They were harsh too. I was new to the school and an easy target. I have never been one to fight fire with fire. I started to say hi to them and complement them before they could make fun of me. I'd call them buddy and tell them that their hair looked nice. Sometimes I just said hi. They stopped making fun of me and joined in. It became a game to see who could say something nice first. Years later we were friends. Not close friends, but friends. I asked them why they made fun of me. They said they were just bored and mean, but thanked me for being nice anyway. (honestly...at first I was being sarcastic)
Bullies must be dealt with. Micah needs to learn to stand up for himself, but also understand that he must not stoop to their level. I may have started by being sarcastic, but it was to help with the hurt I felt towards them for being mean.
Like I said, all I can do is my best.
love,
jozlin
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